Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Dunwoody Tries New DIY Government

The City of Dunwoody, from day one, has used non-traditional methods in governing its residents.  Like our big apartment city next door, Sandy Springs, many city jobs are outsourced.  The out-sourcing model has now been perfected by the Smart folks of Dunwoody.

Code Enforcement / Goat Control
Long gone are the days of SeeFixClick and emailing Tom about code enforcement issues.  And don't bother calling DeKalb Animal Control for that coyote that just ate your cat like it was a $1 Wednesday taco.  Livestock?  Dunwoody has you covered.  Simply contact assistant city attorney / goatherder Lenny at city hall.

"For months, a large red neon sign was glowing 24/7 in the Village Over-paved District, and I got nowhere with code enforcement," commented Alfred Jets, a local advocate for actually enforcing codes. "I got creative, and tied a goat to the neon sign.  Within minutes, Lenny came speeding down the street on his Big Wheel, pulls the brake handle, throwing the plastic three-wheeler into a spin, spreading a shower of cinders everywhere."  

"You can't have a 24" neon sign or goats in the Over-paved District," shouted Lenny.  "You'll have two citations tomorrow.  And get rid of those goats before the sustainability folks see them and start milking them in front of the children."  You can read more about Lenny the Goatherder HERE and  HERE
Lenny the Goatherder

Crosswalk Enforcement
Dunwoody PD is known worldwide for their savvy Twitter skills and for strict enforcement of teenagers parking on residential streets.  With a major shopping mall, kids parking on Corners Cove, and an active MARTA stop in the city, often times staffing needs fall short of demand.  No fear.  Our mayor is now conducting crosswalk stings, according to the Dunwoody Crier.  See story HERE. From the article: Shortal added that the police have run stings at that site and that he ran his own personal sting there. Most drivers stopped, he said.  No word on what the mayor did when cars didn't stop for him.  (In all seriousness, please stop when you see people at a crosswalk!)

Dunwoody's Convention and Visitors Bureau has been spending tens of thousands of dollars a year trying to put 'heads in beds'.  The CVB has given up hope on the Girlfriend Shopping campaign and discontinued their Tinder in Perimeter meet and greets. Instead, all visitor efforts have been handed over to the Parks and Rec department where family reunions can now book the pavilion at Pernoshal Park for $50.  BYOBH (Bring Your Own Bouncy House)

Parks and Rec
Same as before. Dunwoody continues to encourage all residents to drive their kids to Brookhaven, Sandy Springs, and Roswell for any and all outdoor activities.  In a special Governmental Agreement, Dunwoody welcomes all metro Atlanta dog owners to bring their pup to the Henry Jones Dog Park at Brook Run Park. We welcome your dog poop and dog pee, just don't bring your kids (unless you want to pay $50 to ride on a zip line, many yards above said dog poo poo).

BONUS Section
The Spruill Center for the Arts is hosting a special gallery called Ruination: A Study of Consequences.  See HERE. Ruination explores the impact of mankind's intervention in the natural world.  Local artists reveal the ruination of acres of land in Dunwoody.  Each artist confronts a different topic within the larger theme of commercialization over conservation.  Topics include cutting trees for a hotel and a Fogo de Chão steak house, while local elderly folks are forced by their grandchildren to make pottery in a former schoolhouse.

1 comment:

Max said...

Hysterical: https://youtu.be/RFlCD5CYAcU